Why Some People Choose to Be Alone – And How God Designed Us for Relationship

Good morning, everyone! Today, we’re talking about something that affects a lot of people—whether you’re single by choice, by circumstance, or just trying to figure out how to stop swiping left. You’ve probably heard someone say, “I’m just not ready for a relationship,” or “I’m better off alone,” and maybe, just maybe, that person is you.

But today, we’re going to talk about why people sometimes choose to be alone, and how God actually has a plan for your relationships—whether you're looking for that special someone or just trying to make sense of what’s been happening in your love life. Spoiler alert: God's got a much better plan than we often give Him credit for. Trust me, He's like the ultimate matchmaker.

Why Some People Choose to Be Alone

Let's start by addressing the elephant in the room: why do some people choose to be alone? Some people are genuinely content being single, and that’s awesome. But others… they’re alone because they’ve been hurt, disappointed, or flat-out afraid of what comes next. Fear of failure is a big one. Maybe you’ve been in a relationship before that was like a dumpster fire—things were great for a while, then, boom! Everything burned to the ground. You probably thought, “I’ll just spare myself the drama and stay single.”

Here’s the deal though: God DID NOT design us to live in isolation. We were made for relationship—both with Him and with each other. We’re not meant to be lone wolves. Even in the Garden of Eden, God said, “It is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18).

Now, I’m not saying everyone has to be in a relationship to be fulfilled, but God made us relational beings. We need each other. And God wants to be involved in the process, helping you choose the right partner.

How God Chooses the Right Partner for Us

So, how does God pick the right partner for us? Is it some kind of cosmic matchmaking service? Do we get a “divine Tinder” app? Not quite, but God’s got a plan for you—and He’s the best matchmaker there is. When we look at the Bible, we see God’s intention for relationships.

In Genesis 2:22, God created Eve from Adam’s rib. Now, don't miss the significance here. She wasn't created from his head to rule over him, and she wasn’t created from his feet to be trampled on. She was created from his side, close to his heart. That’s the picture of partnership—equal but complementary. God made man and woman to work together—not to compete, not to overpower each other, but to serve each other.

When God is leading you to a partner, He’s looking for someone who fits with you in that same way—someone to stand beside you, someone who challenges you to grow, someone who respects you, and most importantly, someone who points you to God.

Signs to Look for When Choosing a Partner

Now, let’s talk about the signs—because, let’s be honest, we all want to know if we’re choosing wisely. Here are a few things to look for when you’re thinking about a potential partner:

1. Do they love God more than they love you? If the answer is yes, you’re off to a good start. Because when God comes first, everything else falls into place.

2. Do they help you become a better version of yourself? If they constantly drag you down or distract you from your purpose, that’s a red flag. A good partner should support your growth and challenge you to be the best version of yourself.

3. Are they kind? Sounds simple, but it’s often overlooked. Kindness and respect are foundational for a healthy relationship.

4. Do they have a healthy relationship with their own family? The way someone treats their family can be a reflection of how they’ll treat you.

5. Are they committed to working things out? No one is perfect. But when conflicts arise, are they willing to work through them with you? That's a big sign that this person is serious about the long haul because love is a choice to commit!

   
   

Why We Choose the Wrong Partner

Now, sometimes, we mess up. We choose the wrong person. We get drawn into relationships that feel good in the moment but don’t honor God in the long run. Why does that happen?

The answer: We let our emotions drive the bus. Sometimes, our hearts are a little more excited than our brains. Maybe we overlook red flags because we’re so desperate for connection. Or maybe we’ve bought into the lie that we have to settle for the “best” option that comes along, instead of waiting for God’s perfect match.

And here’s the thing: God isn’t punishing you when a relationship “fails.” He’s protecting you. That “failed” relationship could be God’s way of saying, “This isn’t the one I have for you.” You see, God loves you too much to let you settle for less than His best. So when you look back on a failed relationship, don’t see it as wasted time—see it as God’s way of guiding you toward His perfect plan.

God’s Design for Courtship and Marriage

Okay, let’s talk about courtship and marriage for a minute. If you look at the Bible, you’ll see that God’s design for marriage is beautiful—it’s not some random event or casual hookup. God designed marriage to be a partnership between two people who love and honor Him. Here’s how it works:

• The Man as the Headship: This is a bit of a hot topic, but stick with me. In Ephesians 5:23, the Bible says that “the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.” That means the man is called to lead his family—spiritually, emotionally, and practically. But leadership isn’t about control; it’s about sacrificial love. The man is called to love his wife as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25). That’s no small task, folks. Leadership means serving your spouse, not dominating them, but remember he is accountable to God as the leader, thus his decisions must take precedence in all matters concerning relationship, family, and growth under God's divine will. A strong leader is called to win the battle, he has the hardest job, but this is what God has called him to do. Remember in Proverbs 21:19 — 'Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife" Paul is saying that a wife who is challenging her husbands authority is in direct conflict to his purpose, weakening his strength and preparedness to serve God to the best of his ability. Furthermore is is a sign of a hardened heart which works in opposition to God's ability to flourish.

  
  

• The Woman as the Helper and Rib: Ladies, God didn’t create you to be a doormat. You were created to be a helper—someone who stands beside your husband, supporting and strengthening him. The word “helper” here doesn’t mean weak—it means someone who brings strength to the relationship. And let’s not forget, you were made from his rib—you’re not his servant, you’re his partner. Together, you complement each other.

  
  

• Both Roles Are Equally Important: Let me be clear—God has designed both roles for a reason. Both the husband and wife are essential to making the marriage work. God never intended for one person to do it all. It’s a partnership. Together, you reflect God’s image.

  
  

What Submission Really Means

Now, let’s talk about submission—a word that sometimes gets misunderstood. Submission isn’t about weakness. It’s about respecting the God-given roles He’s designed for you. Wives, you submit to your husbands (Ephesians 5:22) because your husband’s responsibility is to love you as Christ loves the church. If a husband is loving you in that sacrificial, Christ-like way, submission isn’t a burden—it’s a beautiful act of respect and trust.

And husbands, you submit to God first. If you’re not submitting to God, you can’t lead your wife properly. It’s all about submitting to God’s plan for your life. If you both are submitting to God, your marriage will reflect the love, respect, and partnership He intended.

Why Dating Isn't Biblical—And How You're Postponing Your Blessing

Alright, let’s get real for a second—dating as we know it today isn’t exactly biblical. Now, before everyone starts clenching their teeth and muttering “But I thought I was doing everything right,” hear me out. The way we approach relationships today—this whole casual dating thing—is a bit of a modern invention, and it doesn’t really line up with God’s intentions for how we should handle relationships.

Here’s the thing: dating is like window shopping for a spouse. You know, you walk around looking at things you’re interested in, pick something up, examine it for a while, and then—when you get bored or it doesn’t “fit” your idea of what you want—you put it back on the shelf and walk away. Or worse, you try it on, it doesn’t work, and you end up feeling a little embarrassed, but hey, at least you’re not committed to buying it, right?

But that’s not God’s plan for us. Dating as a form of “let’s see how this goes” can easily lead to confusion and heartache. It’s like buying shoes without knowing your size and hoping they’ll fit. Sometimes they do, but most of the time, you walk out with blisters or worse—a reminder that you tried to skip the process of finding the right fit.

Here’s the point: Dating should have a purpose. It’s not about “just seeing what happens” or “testing the waters.” When you’re looking for someone, your only intention should be to find a spouse. Why? Because anything less is a distraction from your blessing and purpose. You’re postponing what God has for you. You might think, “It’s just a little fun, no big deal,” but what you’re actually doing is wasting time on a path that’s not leading to your blessing.

God wants you to have a marriage that reflects His love and purpose—not a series of temporary, emotionally draining "dating experiences" that don’t lead anywhere. Dating without a purpose is like putting your faith in a vending machine—you get something, it’s fun for a second, but then it’s empty and leaves you wanting more.

So, when you're looking for someone to date, ask yourself: Is this someone I could spend my life with? Am I preparing for a future, or just playing around with emotions? If you're not ready for that serious, lifetime commitment, then take a step back, trust God, and focus on preparing yourself for the right person who fits God's plan for your life.

Closing

Remember, dating isn't the goal—marriage is. And God has a perfect match for you out there, but it's His timing, His way. Trust Him, take things seriously, and stop postponing your purpose. Be intentional with your relationships, and when it’s time, make sure you have healed from any and all past traumas from your past and embrace your blessing right in front of you.

Let’s pray:

Father, thank You for Your plan for our lives. Thank You that You’re the ultimate matchmaker. Help us trust in Your timing, and guide us as we seek to honor You in our relationships. May we love and serve one another as You love and serve us. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Go out this week, church, and trust that God’s got a perfect plan for your relationships.