Shacking Up or Locking It Down?

Good morning, church! Today, we’re diving into a topic that might make some people squirm in their seats: Can I live with my partner before getting married? Let me warn you—this isn’t a guilt-trip sermon. It’s a love-truth sermon. So buckle up; we’re about to get real.

We live in a world that says, “Test drive the car before you buy it.” You’ve probably heard, “Why commit before you know if you’re compatible?” or “Living together is the next step in a relationship.” Sounds logical, right? But let’s not just follow the culture—let’s follow Christ. Let’s unpack what the Bible says about this, and why it’s more about protection than restriction.

God’s Design for Relationships

Genesis 2:24 says,

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Notice the sequence here: leave, cleave, and become one flesh. Not “move in and see if it works.” God’s design for marriage isn’t just about rules; it’s about creating a bond so deep that it mirrors Christ’s love for His church.

Think about it: Would Jesus say to the church, “Hey, let’s just see if we’re compatible before I commit to saving you”? No! He gave Himself fully, holding nothing back. Marriage is meant to reflect that same kind of sacrificial, covenant love.

Living Together Isn’t Just a “Trial Run”

Now, some people say, “We’re just seeing if we’re compatible!” Okay, but let’s be honest—cohabitation isn’t a test drive; it’s a shortcut. And shortcuts rarely get you to the destination God planned for you. Hebrews 13:4 says,

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled.”

Living together before marriage often leads to compromising on sexual purity, which can muddy the waters of clarity about your relationship. Instead of seeing if you’re compatible, you might end up confusing emotional connection with physical attraction.

Here’s a modern analogy: If you try baking a cake and skip the oven to save time, you’ll end up with a sticky mess. Cohabitation is like skipping the “oven” of commitment—it’s trying to get the benefits without the process.

The “What Ifs” Don’t Justify It

I know what some of you are thinking: “But Pastor Cris, it’s cheaper to live together! Rent is expensive!” Or, “We’re already practically married, so what’s the difference?”

Let’s talk about the cost of convenience. Jesus said in Luke 14:28,

“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?”

Marriage is a tower worth building, but you can’t build it on the shaky foundation of convenience. You need commitment, trust, and God at the center.

And if you’re “practically married,” what’s stopping you from making it official? A wedding doesn’t have to be expensive; the covenant is what counts. It’s not about the size of the wedding—it’s about the strength of the promise.

Called to Avoid Temptation, Not Dwell in It

Let’s get real for a second. Maybe you’re thinking, “Pastor, we’re celibate even though we live together.” I hear you. But I guarantee you’re living in temptation.

1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “Flee from sexual immorality.” Not tiptoe around it. Not ‘see how close you can get without falling.’ Living together while trying to remain celibate is like lighting a fire in the middle of your living room and saying you won’t get burned.

And let’s not sugarcoat it: Even if you’re not having intercourse, “everything but” still counts as sexual immorality. Jesus said in Matthew 5:28,

“Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Physical boundaries matter, and living together makes it harder to keep them.

So don’t play with fire. Set yourself up for success. Move out, or better yet, lock it down and get married. Trust that God’s plan isn’t to restrict your love, but to protect it.

Be Equally Yoked

Now, let’s take it a step further. Maybe you’re thinking about marriage, but your partner isn’t as serious about their faith as you are. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says,

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.”

If you’re in a relationship with someone who is a lukewarm Christian or worse, not a Christian at all, you are not honoring God. You should not marry anyone who doesn’t lead you closer to Christ. If they are not leading you to God, they are leading you to hell. It’s not a question of love for them—it’s a question of love for God first and loving yourself enough to make choices that honor Him.

We all live forever. Why risk spending eternity separated from God in a lake of fire  because of a relationship that draws you away from Him? Make the decision to align your heart and future with someone who shares your faith and prioritizes God’s will.

God Wants to Bless Your Marriage, Not Just Your Relationship

Psalm 127:1 says, “Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain.” If God isn’t in your relationship, it’s like building a house on sand—it won’t stand when storms come.

Living together before marriage often skips over inviting God to be the architect of your relationship. Marriage is His blueprint for a healthy, thriving partnership. By following His plan, you’re setting yourself up for blessings, not stressings.

Closing

So, can you live with your partner before getting married? The better question is, Should you? God’s Word is clear: He wants what’s best for you. Living together may feel like an easy option, but easy doesn’t always mean right.

Here’s the truth: God’s not trying to keep something from you—He’s trying to give something to you. Marriage isn’t a prison; it’s a promise. It’s not about rules; it’s about relationship.

So, if you’re living together and not married, don’t feel condemned—feel encouraged. God’s grace is bigger than your past, and His plans are better than your own. Take the next step. Have the hard conversations. Trust Him to build your relationship His way.

And for those of you wondering, “But Pastor, we love each other!” Then let me say this: Great! Love them enough to do it God’s way.

Prayer:

Father, thank You for giving us a clear design for love and marriage. Help us to trust Your timing and Your plans, even when they challenge us. For those in relationships, give them wisdom, courage, and strength to honor You. For those seeking clarity, guide their steps and remind them that Your ways are always better. Amen.

Takeaway:

God doesn’t just want you to live together—He wants you to thrive together. So lock it down. Get married. Invite Him to the wedding, and let Him stay in the marriage. Trust me, it’s worth it.