How to Hug a Cactus (Dealing with Difficult People Without Losing Your Cool)

Good morning, church! Let me ask you a question—have you ever met a difficult person? If you're shaking your head "no," I have bad news...you might be the difficult one! (Don’t worry, we still love you.)

Difficult people are everywhere. They are in our families, workplaces, and yes, sometimes they even sit a few pews down from us on Sunday mornings. So, how do we deal with them without snapping or saying something that requires immediate repentance?

Let’s dive into God’s Word and see how Jesus handled the tough crowd.

Remember, They’re Not the Real Enemy

Ephesians 6:12 says, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world...” Translation? Your annoying coworker isn’t the devil. (Though, some days, it feels like they’re applying for the position.)

The truth is, difficult people are often just hurting people. And hurting people? Well, they tend to hurt others. Our job isn’t to fight them; it’s to love them.

Kill Them With Kindness (Not Literally, Please)

Proverbs 25:21-22 says, “If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.” Nothing confuses difficult people more than responding with kindness. They’re expecting a battle and you’re handing them a sandwich.

Now, I’m not saying you should let them walk all over you. But there’s a difference between setting boundaries and carrying a grudge. You can say, “I love you, but I’m not lending you my lawnmower again. Last time, you kept it for three months and named it."

When Difficult People Are Family

Let’s be real—sometimes the hardest people to deal with are the ones we share a last name with. Maybe it’s that uncle who always brings up politics at Thanksgiving, or a sibling who knows exactly how to push your buttons.

When difficult people are family, you can’t just avoid them forever. Colossians 3:13 says,

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Notice it doesn’t say “forgive if they apologize.” Sometimes, forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. It lightens your load, even if your mother in law still insists you’re making the turkey wrong.

Set boundaries but lead with grace. You can say, “I love you, but let’s agree to avoid certain topics,” or “I respect your opinion, but I’d appreciate it if we kept this conversation peaceful.”

And don’t forget—Jesus had family drama too. His brothers didn’t believe in Him at first (John 7:5). Yet He still loved them, and in time, they came around. Your patience might just plant the seed God uses to grow something new in their hearts.

Pray for Them (And for Yourself)

Jesus had a lot to say about prayer. In Matthew 5:44, He tells us, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Sometimes, that prayer might sound like, “Lord, help me not to lose my cool today.” And that’s okay. God can work with honest prayers.

Praying for difficult people doesn’t mean you’re excusing their behavior. It means you’re letting God handle it instead of carrying that weight yourself. Trust me, God’s shoulders are a lot broader than yours.

Let God Do the Heavy Lifting

Romans 12:19 says, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath.” In other words, let God handle the justice department. You’re not the sheriff of the universe. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is step back and let God work on their hearts (and maybe yours too).

Conclusion

Difficult people are part of life, but they don’t have to steal your joy. Next time you encounter one, take a deep breath, say a quick prayer, and remember—you’re representing Jesus. And Jesus? Well, He was pretty good at dealing with difficult folks. After all, He’s still dealing with us, isn’t He?

Closing Prayer

Heavenly Father, thank You for Your endless patience with us. Help us extend that same patience to those around us, especially the difficult ones. Teach us to love like You do and to see others through Your eyes. Give us strength to set boundaries with grace and wisdom to respond with kindness. Let Your peace rule in our hearts and guide our words. May we reflect Your love even in challenging situations. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.